My Breaking Point

Three months ago I arrived in Mexico City, not knowing what to expect. Well, I wasn't expecting much. But I have been proven wrong. It's like any other city. It has its obstacles, but none that you can't jump over. I've been through a lot. If y'all have kept up, you know a bit of what I've been through.

Up to this point I've carried a smile on my face, swallowing up everything. Not telling anyone my true feelings. Well, it soon became too much for me. And unfortunately for me and my service partner, the day came when I completely broke down. I couldn't remember the last time I cried so much. I must have cried for over 2 hours. I stood in the middle of the block against a building, feeling helpless, lost, confused, depressed, just completely broken hearted. Something new? No. Am I the first? No. Will it be the last? No. Will it happen again? Most definitely yes!

Why do I share this with you all? Because it's life in Mexico City. It's not easy. For me, it's a sacrifice. Ok maybe I don't have it as bad. I have hot water, yes I know. I have my parents with me. Yes, and I'm thankful to Jehovah for that. I'm not dying of hunger or thirst. Nor am I living in a war zone. I know, but to me Mexico City hasn't become home. And that may be a reason why I have not been able to adapt. I haven't let go of "home". I know I can't have everything. But all I want is my joy back. What does that involve? Many things. Too much to get into details. But I'm sure you guys can figure it out.

I feel bad to say this. But it's the truth. My reason for coming here wasn't because I wanted to. It wasn't my desire. Of course, I wasn't force to, but I really felt like I had no other choice at the moment. Would I like to go back home? Yes. Because I feel like I'm not cut out to live here. But do I regret it? No.

In the 3 months I've been here I've learned a lot. One of them being, is to fully rely on Jehovah. We are always aware that Jehovah is there for us and he is our refuge. But when we go thru a hardship, whether it's small or big, we then see Jehovah's hand in action.

Like Jonah I wanted to turn the other way. But Jehovah made it possible for me to be here. Being here I wanted to sit on the side and just wait to see what will happen to the people of this city. And as soon as something good came my way I began to rejoice over it. But as soon as it was taken away from me or I grew used to it, I became selfish and upset. And I realized after reading Jonah's account a few weeks ago that I was becoming selfish. How thankful I am that Jehovah is patient and helps us to examine ourselves.

They say patience is a virtue. I could easily catch the next flight home and "my problems" would be solved, right? Wrong.

I know that I have a lot to work on. But all I could say is that it's not easy. It's not easy to let go. At least not for me.

On a positive note. A sister handed down a study to me, she's a young doctor. And this past sunday I started a new study with a local English teacher. No doubt Jehovah blesses our hard efforts.

Also, this weekend, December 14-16 the Spanish have their 2012 district convention at the Estadio Azteca. Looking forward to the experience of being under one "roof" with over 50 thousand of our brothers and sisters.

Hope everyone is doing well! Much love to all.